My parents taught me well, I did bad on my own. I dread being a parent because I do not know if I will manage half the things my parents have done for me. One thing I would love to do different though is to demystify sex for my kids as early as possible. My parents taught me the much they could but everything was so vague and I learned the best lessons through experience. They talked of abstaining until marriage, safe sex, STIs and HIV.
What my parents did not know is that I was so green at the age of nineteen I did not know how many holes I had down there. Could you believe I thought urine and menses came from the same opening? I am an embarrassment to myself. I learned everything all at once and it’s not funny. My first messy kiss to the pain I still can’t compare to anything else of my hymen breaking. Those who have heard the privilege of hearing the narration of how I had my virginity broken, still laugh to date. Even I still laugh at myself and sometimes cringe at the thought of how naive I was. I’m one of those lucky people who never had the ‘he was my first’ drama; I moved right on with life as if it was some sort of a onetime experience. I talk to him once in a while and we just laugh about it. He has a beautiful daughter and a lovely wife.
Now as I transitioned through phases in campus, I learned a lot of things that strengthened my emotional persona. Interacting with people from all walks of life just opened my eyes to how different we all are and how we should learn to let each have their own breathing space. I am not a sex freak so I can’t say I know every trick in that book. I just made so many friends I noticed, sex also has perspective. It is not the sacred art that we were all made to believe should only be hushed in low tones and saved for the honeymoon. Sex is so different with so many people. Now I’ll give a general review but only limited to those I have interacted with, I do not speak for people I do not know.
Did you know there are people who cannot do without sex? I’ve had a couple of friends who start complaining of dry spell if they go for two weeks without some action. Some even start to have withdrawal symptoms (LoL) Backaches, absent mindedness, mood swings… and some other funny stuff that I find amusing. They like the two extremes of relationships, a serious one where they can meet their partners daily, if possible cohabit. The other extreme is being extremely single and having ‘service’ friends on speed dial or just hoping into bed with whoever is willing to tap it. Janice (not her real name) is their queen, a stressful day and a mild headache for her can be cured by a quickie. At first when I was reading such stuff from different sources, I thought it was an addiction and that researchers and doctors are working on it. Now that I know them personally, it’s not that big of a deal. Most of them actually settle into lovely long term relationships. I still question where they get the energy though.
Not a Priority
This is my queendom; we simply just feel exhausted at the thought of having sex. Sex to me and three of my other friends is not really a priority. We can go for months, sometimes years without it and we’ll be just fine. As we sometimes have sex talks it is clear that we are even very lazy in bed. Two minutes into foreplay and we are already bored, penetration might just lure us to sleep. Sometimes people assume that we are saving ourselves for marriage; not really, we’d just get it on with whoever will be there in the heat of the moment. One thing is clear though, we prefer to have sex with someone we’ve heard it with before, maybe because they’d understand that they need to work with speed before the fire dies out; and that will be soon (Hahaha). My friend from ‘Basic Need’ asks a lot how we manage 6 to 18 months without sex, we on the hand do not even notice. Did I mention we prefer quickies and cuddles?
Sex is Love
I have friends who consider sex the ultimate gift of love. They will never have sex on the first date and it will be a gift to him/her when they finally feel they are in it to stay. Well, I do not like the drama that ensues when they find out their partner is cheating or wants a break up. Most of them are in the relationship with the goal of it leading to marriage. They’d never cheat and it takes them decades to adjust to being single again and having sex with someone different. In this category are those friends of mine who have only had the pleasure of one man/woman, he broke her virginity and they got married four years later. Sex in this case is an affair that probably starts with dinner and continues to spooning towards mid day the next day. I ultimately respect these ladies because it takes a whole bowl of confidence to commit and open up your vulnerability to another human being. To them sex is mental, emotional, spiritual and finally physical.
It is 2017 so I’ll not lie; I only have one virgin friend. In other cases people keep their virginity for their husbands but not Melissa. She says her mum lost it at 27 so she just wants to follow suit for no apparent reason. She can get freakier than the ‘Basic Need’ ones but no penetration. Those who reserve it for the honey moon, I have so many questions to ask but I guess I’ll stay clueless until we get to have this talk.
This is just within the circles I have interacted with; I do not know what else is out there. We are sexual beings and you’ll be surprised how different we are when it comes to sexual characteristics. Some like the ‘Not a Priority’ and ‘The Virgin’ do not seem to apply to the male species but you’ll be surprised. I am however still looking for a virgin male friend. (LoL) Any other type you can add on to this?