Some have said it is not generic, but a gay friend once told me, he cannot remember if he was ever attracted to a girl. He told me of his desk mate in class six (a boy); the one he always felt nervous around. He did not notice then, but he blushed whenever a boy approached him like the teenage girls did when approached too. Did he really choose to be gay? At such a young age?
Then I made some new friends when I was old enough to think outside my Christian foundation. As I got closer to one of them, she admitted it point blank. ‘Girl I’m Lesbian’, I told her, I don’t care for as long as she is not hitting on me and we laughed. You know she was a good friend and her confession did not necessarily change our friendship. One conversation led to a deeper conversation and I realized her choice was influenced by something beneath the tough ‘bitchy’ attitude. ‘I hate men’ she maintained.
Her dad would hit her mother so bad she was once admitted in hospital for a couple of days. He said nasty things to her and slapped my friend hard whenever she screamed. ‘My mother could not take it anymore, so we one day escaped and lived with my aunt for some weeks.’ While at her aunt’s, a cousin who once came visiting raped her aunt’s daughter. She grew up and she forgave but not once did she hold any respect for men.
Then another friend of mine tells me, he is bisexual and when I asked how he keeps that up. He said he is young and experimental and he’ll grow up one day and start a normal family. A typical case of ‘You Only Live Once’ and you’ll never live long enough to try out everything.
What I have picked from associating with the gay community is that, there is always a reason. Just like straight people have reasons for getting attracted to a particular person. I also learned that, you cannot fake being gay. I have seen girls act up all boyish and hit on fellow girls but melt when they get approached by men. You really can’t keep it up and in a few days you’ll just settle for a partner of the opposite sex.
Homosexuality is a grey area and most of the time those who are not in it, approach it from a religious point of view. Of course most religions do not support it but we should probably give it a different approach now that it is a reality. Remember how sex before marriage was never right? Now that is inevitable, we decide to advocate for safe sex.
Radical rebuke, mockery and stigma will never change the situation and might make it worse if those attacked rebel and retort back. You have probably met a couple of gay people whom you have connected with and found to be interesting, only you do not know that they are gay. So what does it change when you finally realize they are?
If you were a parent and found out your child is gay; what would you do? Would you still advocate for death of and discrimination against gays? I know how it feels when people sniff into your private business like who are you dating? Who are you having sex with? If someone dug into this part of your life you’d shift uncomfortable on your seat. Then why should it be your business who a gay person is dating.
I know mama taught you wrong and right. The Sunday school teacher must have narrated Sodom and Gomorrah a million times. I know there are laws of nature and those that govern a country. As you grow and interact especially in this era, you have learned it is better to mind your own business. You should also realize that whether gay or straight, grownups have a right to make independent decisions especially concerning their own lives. You are allowed to advice but not make decisions for them.
I can attest to some gays being purely out of peer pressure, and this lot I cannot defend neither do I have any form of solution or advise for the same.
We need to teach the beauty of love and marriage and remember that you do not want to pass the judgmental trait down to your children. Teach kids how to be liberal in thinking and how to analyze situations keenly. In short, teach them to think on their own so that they can find their identity and make decisions all on their own.
Have you watched ‘Death at a Funeral’, imagine if male family died and the klande showed up at the funeral and he is a he. HAHAHA! You are probably wondering why most of them open up to me. Because I open minded and a liberal thinker who feels everyone deserves room for justification.
NB: Opinions expressed in this piece are entirely that of the author and does not represent the opinion of any other person or institution; dead or alive.